Lo Hek (of the Korean Committee Against Animal Cruelty) is an expert on all things Tiger as THIS PRESS CUTTING testifies. So we thought we'd ask him a few questions about our beloved Rugby League Tigers...
Lo Hek, he say: "The wisdom of the ancients is for all of mankind, for he who does not seek the path of enlightenment deserves to be bummed".
22nd July 2009: Stoke Bloke he asks... "Most revered and honourable one. Do you feel that it is wise that my local take away has a dish called Cream of Sum Yung Aye or do I deserve to be bummed?"
Lo Hek he very honoured that Stoke Bloke seek enlightenment and is humbly offering following reply: This is very famous Eastern dish of which you speak and Lo Hek in fact knows of place in Shanghai which serves best in world. Very mouthwatering!! Lo Hek also pleasantly surprised to learn that such a tasty mouthful is available in central England too... It make Lo Hek think that perhaps a visit to Stoke is long overdue! However, Lo Hek is quite concerned that honorable Stoke Bloke feel he should be bummed for something his local fast food restaurant serve? Perhaps if he is so keen to be bummed, Lo Hek should rush straight over to Stoke Bloke's aid? We could go splits on a take away!
21st July 2009: Speedy he asks... "Lo Hek, do you think that the people who dont believe that man has landed on the moon deserved to be bummed?"
Lo Hek is pleased that Speedy has taken the path to enlightenment and is humbly offering following reply: This is very topical question on 40th anniversary
of famous moon landings, and even after such time there are many souls who refuse to believe it is true. For instance where, they ask, does strange wind come from which moves star and stripe flag? Surely there is no wind on the moon, they say. However Lo Hek is not so dismissive. He has spent many, many wonderful years getting to grips with big round moon and has occasionally noticed wind which can slip out of crevice. This lead Lo Hek to conclude that no matter how meticulously you plan to probe a shadowy region there is always possibility of freak wind spoiling your fun. He who does not see such a truth should have his own dark crater entered by two men with a flagpole.. and maybe an eagle too! See if he can believe that! 19th January 2008: Pink and Fluffy he asks... "I can't get no satisfaction. I can't get no girl reaction. Though I try and I try and I try and I try...."
Lo Hek he very happy that wise man Pink and Fluffy yet again seeks enlightenment and is humbly offering following reply: Honorable Mr Fluffy may be surprised to learn that these words are familiar to Lo Hek. Although brought up in strictest tradition and protected from much of western culture by ancient Korean hills surrounding remote monastery, even Lo Hek he hears of your musical group Rolling Stones (Although Lo Hek humbly suggest that cover version by Devo [1978, "Are We Not Men", Warner Brothers, BSK3239] is much better than original).
Ahem... Mr Pink and Fluffy's musical plea for help, however, remains a very grave concern which wise men have pondered for many centuries. Since dawn of time it has been man's preoccupation to secure his proud lineage through procreation, and ancient scrolls are full of tales of heroic acts and brave deeds carried out in hope of securing some leg over from pretty princess in next kingdom.
But Lo Hek he take more pragmatic course, one perfectly summarised by your own wonderful western proverb: 'Sauce for goose is also sauce for gander'! Thus, Lo Hek need not state any ancient wisdoms in this case for the truth is right in front of us all. In these enlightened times, if honorable Mr Pink and Fluffy focus only on getting 'girl' reaction he is eliminating half of potential market! And he who does not see this should expect to be bummed! Or at least consider it.
4th December 2007: Weeble he asks... "Dear enlightened one. What is your take on our 'small' squad size going into next season?"
Lo Hek he very happy that wise man Weeble seeks the path of enlightenment and humbly replies: Ah yes, there are many who feign sufficient wisdom to pass comment in advance of unknown outcomes with confidence, but he who is truly wise will reserve his judgement. It is true that there are many things in life of which we cannot be certain, and the noble pursuit of sporting endeavour is just one example. However, Lo Hek is humbly reminded of the wise words of one ancient proverb which remains in wide use in all parts of the world today. Perhaps the fact that the whole world surely knows these words is testament to their enduring truth, but anyone who does not realise that "it is not the size, it's what you do with it that matters" deserves to be bummed. Probably with a big one.
15th October 2007: Pink and Fluffy he asks... "Help me if you can I'm feeling down, and I do appreciate you being round. Help me get my feet back on the ground. Won't you please, please help me?"
Lo Hek he very happy that wise man Pink and Fluffy once again seeks enlightenment and is humbly offering following reply: For some unknown reason this cry for help remind Lo Hek of beetles, particularly ancient tale of dung beetle. Many wise philosopher pass comment on this peculiar insect, but Lo Hek particularly recall wisdom of the wise woman Ono Yoko.
One day Ono Yoko was sat in garden observing dung beetle slowly push it's burden across perfectly manicured Zen lawns of local monastery. She sit and watch beetle's efforts for hours until suddenly her meditation is broken by the shouts of an acolyte who come to Ono Yoko to ask for help. The sage ask what is matter and discover that the acolyte is all worked up about how he should attach his ceremonial sash for forthcoming prayer meeting, so she invite him to join her in watching progress of dung beetle.
They sit together and watch for one hour and then Ono Yoko turn to acolyte and ask what he has learned. Sadly, our young monk is not enlightened, so Ono Yoko have to explain that to worry about tying a sash is folly when a life of endlessly pushing a big ball of shit around is but a reincarnation away.
Lo Hek feels that such wisdom may help Pink and Fluffy overcome this current melancholy which grips him. However he should also bear in mind that, when the acolyte returned to the ceremony his sash remained incorrectly tied and he was bummed as punishment.
9th July 2007: Sigon he asks... "Given the rumoured attitude problems of some in the club. Do you have any advice for the Coach in how to handle players?"
Lo Hek he very happy that wise man Sigon seeks further enlightenment and humbly offers following reply: It is a wise man who seeks truth in the teachings of the Ancients, but sometimes to do so is to ignore the lessons we have ourselves learned on our journey through life. In considering the request of the erudite Sigon, Lo Hek is mindful of a wisdom once spoken, not by the Ancestors of the East but by a son of Castleford named 'Mr Cas'.
The Great Ones have granted Lo Hek sufficient memory to recall that it was Mr Cas who once enlightened Lo Hek by telling of a mixture known as 'Swarfega and Sand'. While the former substance is not one with which Lo Hek is familiar, it nevertheless illustrates that, in player management - as it is in bummery - one must take the Brough with the smooth.
4th April 2007: Waltontiger he asks... "Joe Mbu seems to be taunting Cas Fans from the Doncaster board. What advice could you give us?"
Lo Hek he very happy that wise man Waltontiger seeks enlightenment once again. Lo Hek humbly replies: Old Chinese proverb say that man who prod tiger with sticks only serves to anger such noble creature. Of course, we all know what happen when tiger gets aroused. In case of man in proverb, he get eaten. In case of Joe Mbu, he end up on thick end of 66-4 hiding. In case of gymnast in circus, he get bummed.
9th November 2006: Waltontiger he asks... "Is it wise for me to spend my time looking at rugby players bottoms in an attempt to gain acceptance from my elders and betters?"
Lo Hek he very happy that wise man Waltontiger seeks enlightenment. Lo Hek humbly replies: The Ancients speak of many different levels of wisdom. For some lucky ones, the truth shines like a beacon and their paths are plainly lit by its golden light. For many of us, though, it hides in the shadows and constantly evades our grasp. The world is full of people who scrabble about in shadows unable to take hold of the truths which are so close at hand.
If we are not to expect to be bummed, we should interpret the words of the Ancients exactly as we read them: "Enlightenment is found by gazing at our souls!"
26th October 2006: Pink and Fluffy he asks... "Do you know the way to San Jose? I've been away so long I may go wrong and lose my way?"
Lo Hek he very happy that wise man 'Pink and Fluffy' seeks enlightenment. Lo Hek humbly replies: It is not uncommon for us to lose our way as we travel the path of life. Lo Hek is puzzled that Pink and Fluffy would expect to find enlightenment in San Jose, but that aside, he can still help. To achieve enlightenment takes many years of dedicated study and meditation. To reach San Jose requires leaving on a jet plane, taking the last train to Clarksville until you are 24 hours from Tulsa, finding the way to Amarillo, getting some kicks on Route 66, staying at Heartbreak Hotel and heading down the Kings Highway looking like a streak of lightning.
As Lo Hek say to Tony Blair only last week, he who cannot see the wisdom of effective transport links should expect to be bummed.
12th September 2006: Mr Cas he asks... "What are your feelings on the choice of referee (Mr Silverwood)?"
Lo Hek he very happy that wise man Mr Cas seeks enlightenment. Lo Hek humbly replies: Old Chinese proverb speak of man who get lost in dense forest. He walk and walk for many miles but cannot find way out. Eventually he fall asleep in roots of magic tree which make him have mystical dream. He dream he is king of forest and wake up in beautiful woodland where trees all have leaves of silver. Because he is king, all trees bow down before him and he see his home over their heads. Man then wake up and find his way home.
This proverb very appropriate. Some say it mean that even when all seems lost there may still be hope of rescue. But Lo Hek he say that man who rely on Silverwood for favours must be dreaming...
... and, er, therefore deserve to be bummed.
15th May 2006: therailwayendisuponus he asks... "My best mate called me a dirty b***ard for saying I would much rather Cas stay up than England win the World Cup (naturally). Do you guys think my foul mouthed buddy to be in order? Or does he deserve a gritty swarfega bumming?"
Lo Hek he very happy that wise man therailwayendisuponus seeks enlightenment. Lo Hek humbly replies: In seeking out Lo Hek to help your quest for knowledge for a second time, you fill Lo Hek's heart with joy and humility. Firstly, so sorry for delay, Lo Hek has been busy looking up meaning of "swarfega". He now understand, and must therefore type with trembling hands...
Football very popular game and many hearts will break if England not do well. However South Korea also play in World Cup finals, so he who want someone else to win deserve to be bummed.
15th May 2006: Sigon he asks... "Does Lo Hek have a thought on the Wigan for NL1 Campaign?"
Lo Hek he very happy that wise man Sigon seeks enlightenment. Lo Hek humbly replies: Lo Hek recalls old proverb which tells of dragon who live on mountain top and terrorise village in valley below for many years. Each day dragon would fly down and burn houses and take children for food, while villagers are helpless to resist.
Then one day, no more dragon. After some time the bravest of villagers climb to very top of mountain and into dragon cave. Dragon he very ill and not able to fly or make fire, and he look at villager with pitiful eyes. So villager kick sh*t out of dragon and everyone live happily ever after.
Lo Hek not sure of relevance, but anyone who drop pound coin in same room as Maurice Lindsay deserve to be bummed.
26th March 2006: therailwayendisuponus he asks... "Do you think it is unfair that although we are seventh in the league, above a number of teams to do much better than us (such as the lowly pies) the bookies still have us as favourites for the drop?"
Lo Hek he very happy that wise man therailwayendisuponus seeks enlightenment. Lo Hek humbly replies: Super League season he is like road to Xi'an - long with many trials along way. Much faith is needed when mountain paths seem too steep and many men have stop at Wuhan and said "Bugger it, me get bus". But there are some who go with steel in step and strength in heart. Old proverb say that he who is firm of pace through Nanchung will reach Xi'an unhindered.
Lo Hek he say, anyone who bet against such a man, especially at 11-1 on, deserve to be bummed.
28th June 2005: tb he asks... "I've heard Blackpool described as 'a slapper's paradise'. Is this true? Or even fair?"
Lo Hek he very happy that wise man tb seeks enlightenment. Lo Hek humbly replies: Fortune smiles on you.. The wise ones are all knowing! Lo Hek he consult with ancestors who share knowledge of Blackpool, for it is a place unknown to Lo Hek.
But ancients speak in riddles. They tell Lo Hek to consider flight of moth. They say that, unlike graceful butterfly, moth makes slapping sound with wings as he flies. It also true that moth emerges only at night, and is attracted to bright lights.
Lo Hek he knows that Blackpool very famous for bright light, so he deduce that ancestors agree with tb description. This make Lo Hek very excited to go to Blackpool soon.
Ancients very, very clear on one point however. He who use words 'Blackpool' and 'Paradise' in same sentence should expect to be bummed.
28th June 2005: Stone Cold he asks..."In your opinion do the loyal Fev fans deserve some credit for staying with such a rubbish team...?"
Lo Hek he very happy that wise man Stone Cold seeks enlightenment. Lo Hek humbly replies: This is very complex question. Lo Hek recalls an ancient Oriental proverb which say that 'even the most dutiful wife cannot make miracles from a riceless pantry'. Lo Hek does not believe that neighbours of Tigers can ever satisfy their hunger without first bending their backs in the paddy field.
However, there are those so hungry they would cast open their pantry door and see rice, when truly no rice is there. There are others still who would call them fools for seeing such things.
Lo Hek he does not judge. Instead, Lo Hek wonders if his own eyes would also see rice if his belly were so starved, and Lo Hek decides it is possible that he would. It is a wise man who remembers: He who is not grateful for what he eats deserves to be bummed.
25th June 2005: Delboy he asks..."It looks like Danny Orr's days at Wigan may be numbered. If he said he'd like to come back to Cas, should the club take him?"
Lo Hek he very happy that wise man Delboy seeks enlightenment. Lo Hek humbly replies: When tigers teeth grow too sharp for mother's teat, tiger must leave the mountain and seek his own fortune. Such truths are made in the heavens and cannot be affected by mortal hand.
But when tiger's fortune turns sour like old milk, tiger may return to mountain once again. In such times, mother will decide his fate. Perhaps she will welcome home her prodigal son, or perhaps she will say 'go away and get bummed'. It will depend on what mood she is in.
3rd May 2005: Disco he asks... "What is the point of the scrum in the modern day game?"
Lo Hek he very happy that wise man Disco seeks enlightenment. Lo Hek humbly replies: Walk of thousand miles must begin with single step, for even though such a small step may seem of little value, journey cannot begin without it. Likewise, when ball is knocked on, game cannot restart until forwards lock together and grab each other's backsides.
He who cannot perceive wisdom of such truth should expect to be bummed.
"No Mr Bond, I expect you to get bummed!"
(Do you have a question for the great man? Simply PM or leave a comment below and ask for his advice)
Comments
Waltontigeron August 14 2009 01:53:43
Dear Enlightened one,
Whilst watching the recent Wigan vs Wire CC semi I found myself wishing for a Warrington win just to make the final a better tv spectacle.
What are your feelings on the decline of Wigan as a RL power and the TV's inability to grasp this fact, clutching to the long gone 'Mighty' Wigan.
speedyon January 20 2010 12:25:26
Lo Hek, ive bought one of your T shirts, i know i deserved to be bummed, but can i choose the bummer
Stoke Blokeon July 08 2010 05:47:30
Most Enlightened and Wise One. What are youre thoughts on this most disturbing development within our game that sees Jonathon Davis still being classified as an expert, Cunningham still being talked about as a GB Hooker and Homosexuality on the rise.
Stoke Bloke 06/09/2010 02:38 Tell ya with all the gush from Sky and the help from the officials we wouldnt have won if saints had stayed in the sheds. dred proud great performance
phil malone 05/09/2010 11:12 Proud of the effort, 10 out of 10. Dodgy decisions early in season cost us (robins x2) etc
Delboy66 04/09/2010 21:00 Fuckin Sheepshaggers!!
Proud as fck of the lads tonite to say it was all the st helens show on sky, Muppets!!
